I really miss Singapore. I'm hoping I would get to visit there soon!
The last time i went back, i couldn't hung out with any of my old friends. Kinda sad, but everyone's busy.
And to be honest, I'm really missing the past.
For the past few days, I managed to dugged out some old photos from since i was in Singapore, and it made me laugh, it made me cry. It reminded me of all the good times. Time flows, but pictures remain frozen. And as I look through the pictures, memories came flashing back. Bring both smile and tears to my eyes. How I wish I hadn't thrown off the opportunity of staying there.
I was a coward. I was wrong to have let go of what I had. I was wrong to not have cherished what I had. And look at me now ? Nothing but regrets.
If I could just turn back time , I would go and correct my mistakes , the mistakes that I shouldn't have made. The things that I shouldn't have done. I would do anything just to turn back time , but I know it's impossible. Because time moves forward. Yet , here I am , still stuck in the past. You would laugh at me wouldn't you ? That I'm such a ridiculous person, holding on to the past so dearly and not embracing the present.
I have my reasons. Why should I embrace the present when there's nothing for me to embrace of ? There's nothing right now that's making me happy or making me a better person ! I am suffering from depression and my mom pretty much knows that. I really feel so bad at making my mom this worried. But what can I do ? As much as I want to embrace the present and forget about the past , I just can't. I don't even know how to.
I have been thinking and thinking and my results remain the same. My resolution is of course to try my best and learn to move on. But I've been trying for over 2 years and I haven't improved even the least bit.
But well , I have to just bare with all of this and put a smile on my face so that no one knows what I'm thinking.
See ya next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment