It gets so tiring...

I can't. I just can't.
I know i'm the troublesome child and all that, but living in this house is just slowly killing me one by one. How could i ever be happy? There hasn't been a moment where i feel "oh, staying here is good. staying here is happy" There has never been such a moment! I'm so pissed okay. I really am. Yeah okay, i don't fit in that easily, that's right. It's me. I find it so hard to fit in an environment i'm so unfamiliar with. People have different ways of living. I have mine. It's my life. I can choose and decide however i want to live. No one wants to live a bad life. I know i sometimes makes wrong decisions, but why do you keep on blaming me instead of just telling me that it's wrong? Why is it that whenever i make a mistake, all the damn things that i've done wrong are just added to my current mistake? That's so damn unfair! Why talk about stuffs that aren't even related to my mistakes? WHY WHY WHY?

I've become this person whom just no longer tells anyone how i'm feeling. I'm so used to sealing it away in my heart. When i'm surrounded, i feel alone. Not all the times of course, but yeah, that feeling sucks. Being surrounded yet still feel so fucking alone. Yeah, that sucks okay. I know that there are others out there who feels exactly the same. I can't rant about it anywhere else or to anyone other than here, on my own blog. I am not going to care if you're going to criticise me. I am not! I am just so tired of everything. So tired of life. So tired of all the fucking dramas. So tired of all the damn problems. Why can't life just for once go easy on me? Yeah, i know, life's always full of ups and downs but....I can't take it any longer...I feel so...tired.
No one understands me...no matter how much i tried explaining..so yeah, eventually i stopped. I've started to put barriers around myself, not letting people get to know the real me, not letting people know what i feel, not showing anyone how much i care even though i care so much.

I don't even know what i'm suppose to feel right now. Apologetic? Angry? Sad? I don't even know. It's just so mixed up. I'm just so tired of misunderstandings. People say they know what it's like to be feeling this and that and blah blah blah, but they don't. I know i'm not the only one suffering. I know there are others out there who's suffering so much more than I am, but yea....this is my life and i just feel so tired of living. i really am so tired. just so tired.
I just want to simply shut myself off from the world, go somewhere far that no one i know would ever find me, and just cry, let all my worries out, and then look at the world from a new side.

Distance.....does bring things apart.

these were taken either last year or earlier this year. i can't clearly remember.

WELL WELL WELL,
I'm up. But not yet at school xD
EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRRRR YAYYYYYYYY!!! I CAN FINALLY SLACK. HOHOHO :D
I'm just so so so so super glad that it's over okay! It's just the best feeling. OMG. IT FEELS SO GOOOOOOOOD.
Despite exams being over, doesn't mean the dramas are.......

GRRRRRR,
I'M FRUSTRATED at how DISTANCE always ruins everything. And how nothing LASTS FOREVER.
GOSH,
I wonder why.....

Best friends.....i'm starting to doubt. Of course i ain't doubting my first best friend. SHE'S THE BEST. But because of the distance, we can't communicate much. I miss her okayyyy. I REALLY DO.

Anyway,
My point is, well, to me, from my point of view, it seems as though nothing lasts forever. And sometimes, i wonder why i used the word forever even though i know it won't last forever, because forever is a long time. And nothing lasts. I think.

Maybe it's just me and my normal mood swings, but i'm feeling rather messed up early in the morning. or maybe it's just because i didn't get enough sleep. I just can't bring myself to sleep :( And i do not know why :/
grrrrrrr, i should really really really really adapt to the habit of sleeping early and not sleeping late and then looking like an idiot every morning xD

Now that exams are over, i actually do not know what to do anymore. hahas. well, i only did last minute revisions though. I hope i would pass. Kinda nerve-wrecking because all i mainly used my common sense to answer the questions in the papers and i don't even know if i wrote it correctly or put it in the correct form. After all, i'm a sucker at Khmer Language even if it's my home language :/

I feel like i reallly need to get away to some place far. but i can't. Because school is still on-going!!!!! RAWRRRRRRRR. I NEED HOLIDAYS. And i'm starting to wonder will i ever have a holiday, since my national exams are coming up mid-September already -.- GAWDDDD, EXAMS EXAMX EXAMS. RAWRRRRR. ME NO LIKEY EXAMS!

Alright, i've wrote way too much nonsense.
Shall go back to just listening to awesome music xD
BUHHHBYEEEE
xoxo.