fun times will never be forgotten.

HELLOOOOOO.
i haven't updated since like 10 days ago. I was busy with the exams and all. Well, i've just been really really busy. And i'm suppose to be really busy right now too, but i chose not to be. I should really be STUDYING for my semesters which is tomorrow and the day after, and here i am, blogging. I just got home like half an hour ago. Been out since 10am until 5:30pm. Yesterday, i was out from 9am till 9:30pm. well, that sums up how much i've been neglecting my studies so badly.

Anyway, that picture above was taken yesterday's evening while i was on the boat with my brother and his friends. It was so pretty.
Here are some more :

it isn't really red here, but outside, it's like super red and super prettyyyyyy.

phnom penh city at night.

isn't it so pretty? i just really love the views of nature. especially the sky.

Yesterday, 29/06/2013 -Saturday

Went out at 9 to catch a movie called 'Klach ey, Serch ta' with Mandy and her another friend. It's a khmer movie. If i were to translate it, it would be "Afraid for what? It's funny". Well, that's awkward xD But the movie wasn't really that good. I didn't enjoy and some people in the cinema were being really noisy. It's so annoying. The movie was funny, but i don't like the story line. It's just not good. That 90 mins felt so longgggggg.
Went to buy ChaTime with Mandy and her friend. Got myself a "Grassjelly Latte". I really like grass jelly xD I find it so niceeeeeeeee xD
Went back to the seating area.

Took this while we were there xD Mandy is just sooooo cuteeeee xD 

Then Sophia, her sister and Ing came at around 11 nearly 12 i think and we went to catch "After earth" it's my second time watching it and thus i fell asleep during the movie. I swear it was such a good sleep xD
Then we went to took some neoprints while waiting until 2 to catch "World War Z" It's also my second time watching that movie but i didn't fell asleep. I still feel that it's gooooooood. I really like the movie xD Although seating on the first row isn't exactly all that comfortable, but the movie was really worth it despite it being my second time watching it.

Then my brother came and pick me up. We went to the riverside, to meet up with his friends because we were going to eat something on the boat. It was really long waiting for everything to be done. While waiting, i went to get myself an 'original iced chocolate' from Gloria Jean's. I find that it's a lot better than Brown's Chocolate Ice Blended. Took about 15-20 more mins before we got on the boat. Waited for about 10-20 more mins in order for food to arrive then we set off. The pictures of the sky were taken while i was on the boat. like duhhhhh.
Then i went to visit Sophia at the clinic D: GET WELL SOON BABE.
Then went to have dinner at Porkei. Didn't really enjoyed it as i wasn't really all that hungry. So basically, yesterday, i didn't eat anything much at all.

TODAYYYYY,
had breakfast at LY LAI restaurant or something. Then off to some place i forgot what it was called. It's out of town.
Came back, and went to have ice cream at The blue Pumpkin.
Went to some place.
Came back home.
And i should really be revising, but i'm refusing to do so D:
BECAUSE I'M JUST SOOOO SUPER LAZYYYYYYYYYYYY. GRRRR. I HATE HOW LAZY I AM D:

The pictures below were taken on Saturday - June 22nd 2013
Went out to catch "Man of Steel" with Sophia, her sisters, Pipor and Keni.
The movie was reallyyyyy boring at first. But it got a lot better half-way through.
Went to Kids City next.
We walked up from the 1st floor all the way to the 5th then to the 7th.
While on the 5th floor, at The Blue Pumpkin, Keni and I camwhored. hahahahhas :D

 Then came Sophiaaaaaa as she returned from the toilet xD

 A compilation :)

YAYYYYYY! :D

Then we went to the 7th floor to play laser tag. But sadly, keni had to leave first :( because he needed to  go and pick up his brother at 5pm.
Then i came home.

EXAMSSSSSS. I HATE EXAMS. I JUST HATE THEM SO MUCH. GRRRRRRR. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. that's why i'm not studying right now when i really should D: okay, i've probably mentioned this a lot of times already xD

i shall end this post with this:

BEN & JERRY'S. YAYYYYYY ;D
hahahhas,
OKAYYY, BUHHHBYEEEEE.
i'll try to "concentrate" on studying. hahahhas. even though i haven't even started xD

Stop bullshitting

HELLOOOOO :)
supposedly, today was suppose to be quite a good day. SUPPOSEDLY.  
but oh well, it started out rather good.
it was quite a normal and fun day at school. I went around asking people to answer a math question that i made a bet with Keni. It was 6/2(1+2)=??. I bet that it would be 1 and he bet that it would be 9. And we both went to ask our teachers (we're at different schools) and my teachers said 1 and his said 9. Now, it's just rather left behind since the "dramas" are coming back up again.
I honestly wonder why people are so.....ridiculous sometimes.

HAHAHHAHAHS. I found these while i was "stalking" Jia yi's facebook to look for her unglam photos. These were like i don't even know how many years ago xD But it was good times. I think we web-cam the whole day or was it the whole afternoon? I can't remember that clearly anymore.
I can't wait to go back and visit Singapore !! I miss it a lot , especially the people there!

YES YES. SOME PEOPLE REALLLY DOES NEED THIS KIND OF HUG.

They are just so annoying. Acting like a hypocrite and all. It's like they won't even admit their own mistakes. Like wth? The least you could do is accept it and then just move on.
OH MY GAHHHHH, I gets frustrated every time i think about them. It's just wayyyy too stupid.

Oh and people lie. I know that. But you saying that you don't lie is already a lie itself. And if you want to start whatever you want to call it, i'm fine with it. i won't even bother using foul words towards you.
Get some sense in yourself first before you talk. Want to talk about my attitude? You're no one to judge. You can't judge me. You're not allowed to. I am who I am. If you're not happy with me, I DON'T CARE.  I just don't. I'm me. Like me for who i am or just don't. I've never force you or anyone to like my attitude. Oh and, my attitude depends on how you are towards me.
I couldn't care less about whatever it is that you think. I just couldn't. I'm just like :

Oh whatever, not like i'm even bothered. More like, I'm entertained. hahahs
okayyy,
i shall maybe go do something that's more productive than this xD
Exam's next week and i haven't reviewed a thinggg.
my gahhhhh
i'm dead meattt.
okay byeeeeee :)
shall end this post with a cute picture of "Douglas Booth" <3

take it upon yourself for all i care

JUST GO AND BURN YOURSELF AWAYYYYYYYYYY 

helloooooo,
I had quite the "normal" day. I actually did "studied" a bit today. Oh my, I'm proud of myself. But there's so much for me to review and I haven't done a thing. I shall start soon. Like really soooooon. Since my exam's next week and all. Oh godddd, time please don't move forward. I hate exams. The schedule this month is like so super packed already.

Ahhh, whatever,
Anyways, i've been feeling really ticked off at girls that every time she gets a new boyfriend, she goes like "i love you forever husband. There's only you for me" and all those sh*t. It just annoys me so much. I mean, why does she always mention the word "forever" to each of her boyfriend(s). Exactly, how many "forever" does she have? Is she a cat or something? Cats have 9 lives. But OH WAIT, she's actually worse than a cat. I mean, cats are CUTE! LIKE reallyyyyyy CUTE.
Writing that, i was actually referring to the "majority" and apparently, there's this girl who took it upon herself! WOW. So it means that she's guilty and that she's doing exactly what my status is saying? Well, if she didn't then she wouldn't have taken it upon herself. I mean, I didn't even mention any names in particular and I was really just referring to the "majority". Maybe part of me wasn't but, most of me is referring to the majority. I mean, how stupid could she get? Oh please, TAKE IT UPON YOURSELF FOR ALL I CARE. Not like I'm gonna go and OH HEY, I'M SORRY and sh*t. Sorry girl, but that was my point of view and my saying, i wasn't referring to you. I ain't gonna take responsibility for any sh*t yo. Just go get a life girl. I don't have the time to be bothered by your two-faced b*tchy personality. I couldn't bother more. I was just tick off that you would actually take something that i didn't even mention any names upon yourself. Quite a peabrain you are. No offense. I'm just so ticked off.

Well, never mind about those kind of people, I've met a ton. People like that are just rather....how should i say? Ridiculous? I don't know.

Sorry for using foul words but i just don't know what kind of words to use towards these kind of people. Since they don't know how appreciate nice and kind words or maybe sarcasm, foul words seems so befitting for them.

Alright, i think i shall go do some "revision".
hahas, okay, byeeeeeee

Guilty pleasures

Helloooooo. Haven't been posting for quite a few days. Been busy with the school contests and all ! 

Anyways , as my title of this post states 'Guilty Pleasures'. 

Yes , I really do have a lot of guilty pleasures. Countless or so I might say. But I'll only be revealing some. 

First of all , I LOVEEEEE SHOPPING FOR BRANDED STUFFS. Yes , I do. And I know I shouldn't. After all, I'm not the 'rich' kid who have unlimited amount of money. I have my limits. But all in all , I still really does love shopping for branded stuffs. I find it so 'entertaining'. And yes , part of me shops in order to make myself feels better. I might always go about saying 'oh hey , I have no shirts no wear' but in actuality , I have a ton. I just chose not to wear, for some reasons even I don't know why. And I'm really picky about my clothes. If I don't like it on my first wear , I'll probably not wear that shirt ever again. So , yeah , it's just gonna be kept in my closet. And the amount of clothes in my closet right now is countless. It's really hard to rearrange it since there's too many. And yes , I have to throw away some but I'm hesitant to do so. Some of my favorite shirts are already old , but I still want to keep it. But it's taking up too many spaces of the closet. I hate having to clear up my closets. 

Oh, and I've been reallyyyyyy addicted to '50 shades of Grey'. Just started reading it today and I'm already half way through. Probably gonna finish it today. It's weird is it not ? That I'm so strikingly INLOVE with this book. And yes , I really do love the way Christian Gray is ! And I love how he makes love to Anastasia. Believe it or not , I actually like that kind of relationship. I mean , the fire is always lit ! So there's a high chance that the relationship won't die that fast right ? Okay , I'm in awe and all but I'm appall with the idea of 'real life sex'. I don't know why, but I'm just not that keen on it. Ask teenagers nowadays if they do watch porn or not, some would lie and some wouldn't. But for me , truthfully , no. I don't watch porn. It sickens me. This might offend some of you but yes, I hate and I mean literally hate watching porn. And no , I don't have those crazy sexual desires. I don't know why. 

But the guilty part is that , I love reading erotic novels and manga. I find it really captivating and entertaining. I'm free to imagine it however I want when I read it. So yes, I prefer this way to just having to watch something that is 'so set' and you can't let your imaginations 'run wild'. 

Ah, oh no , I'm not innocent at all. Indeed, I am very sick minded. I know that very well, and so does my friends. I'm known to be the 'sickest' of my friends sometimes. And right now, as I am reading '50 shades of Grey' my imagination just keeps running wilder and wilder. 

But yeah , I don't read erotic novels and manga that often. I read it like once in three months ? Sometimes even half a year. And '50 shades of Gray' is my first erotic novel of the year! 

I really do like the idea of 'erotic novel'. I don't know why. I just do. And yeah , that's why it's my guilty pleasure. 

I'm really keen on finding out what happens at the end of the book ! 

I have the whole collection of '50 shades trilogy' and I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get any sleep tonight since I'll probably be really engrossed in the book. I bring that book with me wherever I go currently. But not the toilet. I'm scared that I'll ruin it. And I hate getting my book ruin ! And by ruin , I mean even just a simple scratch will irritates me. Because I simply hate the sight of reading a book that's not neat, nice and clean ! I'm not really keen on keeping my room clean, but my books are something I make sure no one will scratch it ! And if a friend wants to borrow a book of mine , of course I'll lend it to him/her but I make sure that I warn them not to 'hurt' or dirty the book. If not , even if it's my best friend or someone really special to me , I think I'll still get mad. I'm quite a freak when it comes to my books. I love books. It's the first thing that I've always loved since I was young until now. And I'm not letting anyone take that away from me. I've spent thousands of dollars just on book and I don't even have a single regret ! 

Maybe I've rant too much about books. 

Next guilty pleasure: I love being mean to people ! 

Yes , I really do. I find the feeling of it so awesome ! I mean , of course I won't be mean all of the times. Only sometimes. And oh god , I just loveeee the feeling of it. It's just so 'heavenly'? 

Yes, I'm very sadistic at times. And when I am , I'm like super mean. And some people might get offended. I simply speak so frankly and no , I don't really care what others think. Because I'm only frank with those that I'm close to. And I trust them enough to voice out how I really think about them or how I really think about things. So yes, I would be very frank. 

And I just love the idea of drowning people in sarcasm. I mean , people won't know if I was being serious or not. Hohoho. I can just say that I was joking and they wouldn't be pissed anymore right ? But yeah , there's an extend to that. 

Oh and , I love the feeling of watching people suffer. One reason why I'm really into horror movies is that watching them suffer from all those sufferings are such a pleasing feeling and pleasure to my eyes. I just really do like it. I know it's not all that good of a point, but it's me. I tend to laugh a lot even at the worse situation possible and the ones that surround me would be pissed at me, but after I had laughed my heart out , I would sincerely apologize. I just find it so hard to control my laughter , especially in serious situations. 

Okay , I've rant a lot today. 

And I had quite the good day actually. 

I think I shall go back to my '50 shades of Grey'. 

Bye byeeeeee 

Disappointed in myself

Well, that pictures explain exactly everything about me right now.
Had some fight and I'm the cause of it.

Well, so i thought opening up would get me to a better place, would make them understand me more. Guess I was really wrong. Telling them my problems seems to only get me more blamed for it. And instead of them consoling me, seems like they're applying cold water to burnt area. Well, if that made any sense at all. But, i'm just really disappointed. I don't open up to anyone about who i am easily. I choose who i open up to real hard. And i've only opened up to a few people since i was born. I am not going to mention the names. But yes, some of those that I've opened up to betrayed me in the end. But i'm putting them in the past now.
I just wish that for once, they would understand how hard it is for me right now. It may not seem like it's a big deal, but it is for me. I've been trying real hard to change. But changing doesn't apply immediately. I'm changing little by little. I can't just change in 24 hours. It's hard to change. It's hard to try and forget. It's really hard. It's really hard to ignore everything.
It gets even harder when every little thing i do, you say you wouldn't mind, but in the end ? You always do. I know i've done a lot of wrongs in my life but i'm trying to fix it as i grow up. I really am trying to change to become a better person. Won't you at least please try to understand me? Even just for a little bit?
I know i'm messed up and all. It's not like i want to become this way. And i really do love you. I just really hope you know. I'm like real bad at expressing it, but yes, I REALLY DOES LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU. From the bottom of my heart, i really do.
Please understand me, even just for a little bit.

Life is just so messed up right now. I hate going through this kind of period. But i know that everyone does. In life, there's the ups and the downs.

That's one thing i'm upset about: Myself.
But i'm madly mad at some people too. Or preferably, my class.

School contest is coming up and of course, you would want for your class to win right? I mean, that brings honours doesn't it? But WHY is no one MAKING AN EFFORT to make that happen? Why go around sabotaging your friends when YOU have the TALENT to win? I seriously wonder why? What's so humiliating about entering the school contest? It doesn't make you look cool or something? Well, let me tell you one thing, LOSING is what makes you look UNCOOL! LOSING will. But if you lose but have tried your best, then it won't make you look uncool. Your efforts will strongly be appreciated. Unless of course, some a**holes doesn't. They're not worth considering.
I really don't get the "sabotaging" part. I mean, WHYYYY? The teachers picked you because you're good at it. Because they BELIEVE in you. So why not join? If you're unsure, you can always try! You'll never know what you're good/bad at until you try it. It's just testing your knowledge. And knowledge is something you should be proud to have.
It gets really frustrating seeing your own class that way. Aren't you scared to be humiliated? Is being called the "class that loses everything" something that you want?
If you want to win, you've got to make an effort for it! Everything comes with a price. Nothing's ever free.
I don't really know what i should say anymore. Be mad at me for all i care, but if you want something done, YOU do it. Don't put it on someone else.

Feeling as terrible as ever.

i'll have you know i only thought of suiciding twice and cutting myself millions of times and getting drunk. But in the end, I told myself not to. Because it wouldn't do me any good. 

alright.
see you next time.

talking to the moooooooon

i just really like being me.

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I'm currently really addicted to "talking to the moon" by Bruno Mars. I've been putting it on repeat for i don't even know how many times.

Soooo, i had a lot of fun today. Firstly, i went to catch a movie "epic" with Sophia, her sister(s) and Tip. it really was a great movie indeed. It was rather boring at first, but gradually, it's get funnier and funnier. It's really cute how the two main characters share a relationship via webcamming because one is big and one is small. It's just so cute.
Next, catch "Now you see me" with Keni. It was a considerably good movie except that it talks way too much. That kinda strains the watchers. And if you miss too much of the movie, you basically just don't understand the movie. Although i like how the movie ended with such an awesome twist. Their magic was really cool and awesome.
Then, off to Kids City with Keni! Thankfully the whether was rather forgiving. It wasn't as scorching hot as yesterday. Once again, thanks a lot for the ride Keni!
Bought two tickets for the "laser tag" and went to the 7th floor to meet up with Sophia and the rest. Waited for quite a while before we could get it.
The game was really fun. I've never played laser tag before, and i got a good first experience. I kept on shooting the lil' kid. Feels kinda bad for him since he looks rather innocent, but he's not. He shot me once and i got my revenge. xD okay, that sounded rather mean. Ended up with a score of 4000++. I forgot because before i could take a look at my score again, it got reset to 100. The winner among us was Keni though. I can't believe how he go from being "so bad" then suddenly BAM! He got so good. His scores went up really fast.
It was really fun playing "laser tag". Gonna go there and play it again sometime soon! And i so am going to try rock climbing over there.

Separated ways with Keni and just went with Sophia and the rest to True Coffee to grab some drinks. Sat there for quite a while. Then off to eat some things with Tip and back to Sofitel to deliver the food to Ms.Sophia Kao and bought her chocolate macaroons. Bought some for myself too of course.

It has been really long since i last had so much fun. I really am glad i got to spend today when them. Finally a good memory for me to keep. Gonna cherish all of these good memories.

Alright, I shall end this post with a picture of Keni and I!

Good nighttttt everyone! :)

You'll never know if you never try

Tried a new hairstyle on Friday ! Hahahaa. I hope it looks fine XD 

Well , I'm still up, this late at night. I just can't bring myself to sleep. As much as I am sleepy, I just don't feel like sleeping. This always get to me every damn time. And I don't know why. 

I'll have to wake up early tomorrow. For Chinese tuition. Then off to watch 'epic' with sophia. And then off to watch 'now you see me' with keni ! Then I don't really know where else I'll go. I pretty much just don't want to be stuck at home alone like today. Said I would be fine, when inside I felt so alone. Should rather say I'm used to it. 

So I've been really irritated at people that knows they're wrong yet they don't do anything about themselves to become a better person. I mean, seriously? You know you're wrong. You know you're making a mistake , yet why do you always commit the same mistakes over and over again ? You can change yet you chose not to. What kind of ridiculous thing that is. Oh and you say that you're suffering oh so much ! OH PLEASEEEE. You're not the only one with the problems! Look at those around you ! There are people out there who's starving to death and are in a much worse situation than you! Look ! Take a look at the world. You have food , water and a home. What else do you need ? Isn't that sufficient enough ? Or is it that only 'a so called boyfriend' would enlightened you ? My goodness ! Go look at life from a better point of view please. You're annoying the h*ll out of me. And I really don't know how much longer I can hold on until I burst out at you. 

I really hope I won't have to. 

Alrightttt. 

It's late. 

And it's gonna be a tiring day tomorrow. 

Good night ! 

Once in a while , a cup of Sake is fine

Sooooo I actually had a great day today ! 

Went to the US embassy with my school to have a debate on the climate ! It was really such a great experience ! 

It was so nerve-wrecking at first ! I was soooo nervous I couldn't even introduced the country that I'm representing which is Germany. I was so totally embarrassed. It was such a bad start. 

So there were like 36 students that paired up and each of them chose a country to represent themselves. I chose Germany. I originally wanted to choose Singapore but then it's too small a range for me and my partner to talk about so we decided on Germany instead ! 

We had all these worksheets that we needed to filled out about our country. It's basically a 'getting to know your country' worksheet. So yeah , I did some research and got to know more about Germany , a country I didn't even knew much about other than 'it's the country that stirred up WWI & WWII'. But now , I have a much clearer view of the country. There are actually some really interesting facts about that country like 'it's the second country that consumes the most beer after Czechs' and also '70% or 80% of the high ways in Germany have no speed limit'. It seems as though I've only mainly found the 'naughty' facts about Germany. Well, it's fun facts. So yeah. 

Anyways , once we get to the embassy, we got more worksheets and the instructor told us more about what the debate was really about and then we had to give an introduction about our country , which I totally fail at. I definitely humiliated myself. I was so embarrassed. I've probably mentioned this for a couple of times now. I was just really embarrassed. 

Then we had a break. Then we came back and we had to wrote a speech about how we want to reduce the greenhouse gases emissions and all that. There were 3 options. I'm too lazy to write it here. But I chose the 2nd option which is 'governments should invest in renewable sources energy'. So I wrote down the speech and my partner went up and read it to the audience. 

Then we had lunch break. The lunch was horrible ! The sandwich smelt so bad. 

After that was the caucus. 

Then the debate. 

I really had a lot of fun doing the debate. I'm kinda proud of myself one way or another because , I've always been a shy speaker and today , I think I kinda opened up a little. Although at first I freaked out, but during the debate , I hope I wasn't too bad. 

I think today was a really good experience for me. Hopefully, I'll get more experience ? Yeahhh, hopefully. And hopefully , I'll overcome my stage fright as well. 

Alrightttt. I had a superb dinner at Uraetei Japanese restaurant with my mom and family members. Accompanied with Sake of course. Just like the picture above. 

I actually haven't really drank any alcoholic drinks since the last time I got drunk because I was feeling so messed up , I decided to just get myself drunk. The hangover was horrible. So I kinda stopped drinking from then on. But since today's a good day , and since my mom's returning back to the province tomorrow , I shall just drink. Just a cup would be good. It tasted good. I'm actually quite a fan of sake. But no, I am not going to get myself drunk again ! I'm just going to drink only on special occasions. 

Came back home and made strawberry milkshake for myself and my mom and my cousins. 

I hope I don't get diarrhea. 

Anyways, good night ! I shall sleep early and start tomorrow bright ! 

I soooo want to skip school. 

Is it wrong that i still miss the past?

This was a picture from 2011, when i just returned back from Singapore.
I really miss Singapore. I'm hoping I would get to visit there soon!
The last time i went back, i couldn't hung out with any of my old friends. Kinda sad, but everyone's busy.
And to be honest, I'm really missing the past.

For the past few days, I managed to dugged out some old photos from since i was in Singapore, and it made me laugh, it made me cry. It reminded me of all the good times. Time flows, but pictures remain frozen. And as I look through the pictures, memories came flashing back. Bring both smile and tears to my eyes. How I wish I hadn't thrown off the opportunity of staying there. 

I was a coward. I was wrong to have let go of what I had. I was wrong to not have cherished what I had. And look at me now ? Nothing but regrets. 

If I could just turn back time , I would go and correct my mistakes , the mistakes that I shouldn't have made. The things that I shouldn't have done. I would do anything just to turn back time , but I know it's impossible. Because time moves forward. Yet , here I am , still stuck in the past. You would laugh at me wouldn't you ? That I'm such a ridiculous person, holding on to the past so dearly and not embracing the present. 

I have my reasons. Why should I embrace the present when there's nothing for me to embrace of ? There's nothing right now that's making me happy or making me a better person ! I am suffering from depression and my mom pretty much knows that. I really feel so bad at making my mom this worried. But what can I do ? As much as I want to embrace the present and forget about the past , I just can't. I don't even know how to. 

I have been thinking and thinking and my results remain the same. My resolution is of course to try my best and learn to move on. But I've been trying for over 2 years and I haven't improved even the least bit. 

But well , I have to just bare with all of this and put a smile on my face so that no one knows what I'm thinking. 

See ya next time. 

Messed up Emotions

Hey ya all
I didn't manage to post for the past few days because my dad came and I went to sleep at the condominium which have no internet access so i couldn't update anything.
I feel so at ease when my dad's with me. It's like there's this "warmth" that no one can give me other than him. He's my hero. He's the man I know will always love me no matter what and I feel so bad every time i make him sad or give him headaches. I just wish i could be a better daughter. I just wish he would know how much I really really do love him.

So I've been feeling so messed up lately. Even though i felt so optimistic about myself no so long ago. I guess things have been bugging me a lot. Friendship and education. My mind are full of these two things, but mainly, it's education. I am struggling so much and yet I just can't admit it to my parents face because I don't want to let them down.

Well, friendship....I actually don't know what that word means anymore. "Best friends", "Best pals", whatever word that ties friendship forever, I really don't know if I can actually TRUST it. Well, of course i have a BEST FRIEND. She's literally the best. I've known her since grade 4 until now. And even though we're in different countries now, our friendship never dies. She's literally the best. No one and i mean NO ONE can compare to her.
What I'm trying to point is, friendship NOWADAYS. I just don't get it. Why do people always take other people for granted? Yeah, I mean, some times i do too, but then as i realized it, i stopped.
It's like when people are caring towards you, the least you could do is appreciate it. Why do you have to turn it the other way around ? Why do you have to ignore that person after he/she tries to help? Why do you blame him/her when she's actually trying to help?
People gets tired of trying when all you does is push away.
Maybe I'm not getting my point across at all. AHHHHH, i feel like what I'm writing is really messed up.

SO it's like I have this friend whom i USED TO really care for. But now, not anymore. Every time she suffers, I would do anything just for her to be happy again. But what did i get in the end? NOTHING. Nothing at all. Well, I know that people shouldn't "expect" in order to not be disappointed, but i mean, she's a REALLY GOOD FRIEND, so yeah, i sorta expect at least some appreciation in return but i got NOTHING. This kind of stuffs happen too often that i eventually got sick of it. Every time i do hang around her, I feel more and more and more annoyed of her behaviours. Sometimes i just want to slap her in the face so that she wakes to reality. I wonder if she knows....that me and her are nothing anymore. We're only "good friends" in the name....i really wonder if she knows. So what if we're in the same class? So what if we've known each other since i started school here? I really don't care! I mean, if it's just going to be me that tried to make the friendship work, then sorry girl, but I'm out of the game. I give up. I'm not a people pleaser anymore. NO MORE. I'm not the same girl i used to be a year ago. I am not going to let you take advantage of me anymore. I know i probably sound so much like a bitch right now, but this is what I'm feeling.

Alright, I'm so sorry if i've said anything that would offend anyone. I'm just really feeling so messed up. Nothing is making my day better at all.
I guess, I'll go watch a movie or some thing.
See ya next time~