All hopes lost

Well.....'I don't know' 

An easy way to escape questions and simply the answer to questions when you're just so mother fucking unsure about yourself. 

'The perks of being a wallflower'. That movie is just so inspiring and well....sad and depressing all at the same time...

And yeah, right now...I pretty much feel like dying.... 

..... 

Exam's tomorrow and I'm here...being all depressed and shit. Feeling all shitty. Feeling so damn suicidal. 

Pretending to smile is getting so so so much harder these past few days. 

Going to school and smile. Then come back home and run into the toilet to cry, well, that's my routine now. I should be getting used to it but...how come I'm not.... How come I still get so affected and still give a damn about everything when I shouldn't...

NOTHING..... 

Useless. 

Stupid. 

Idiot. 

Bitch. 

Insignificant. 

Alone. 

Broken. 

Insecure. 

Jealous. 

Lonely. 

Defeated. 

Hopeless. 

Lifeless. 

The list just goes on and on..... 

Simply a living corpse. 

Life full of darkness. 

Hopes all lost. 

Motivation all gone. 

Suicidal on my mind.

Getting drunk. 

Self-harming. 

I'm just so tempted to do these but then I tell myself it wouldn't do me any good. So instead , I just sit down and throw words at myself , cry , feel all pathetic and then I'll try to pick myself up....if I can. 

Haizzzzz. I shall end this post...and maybe go and bury myself in more depressing music. 

Maybe I'm wrong...maybe I'm right

Hai ! A picture of my shoes. LOLOLOL. I was bored thus I did it for fun XD hehehe. 

It's like midnight right now and I'm still up and feeling horrible. LOL. 

I just feel so emotionally tired....I don't even know why... Well, maybe I do. Maybe I don't. 

Is it so hard to try and understand people and give them space ? Why must everything be controlled? 

Haiz....pressure here. Pressure there. 

National exams coming up the day after tomorrow and I haven't even started reviewing. I just feel like giving it all up. I've lost all hopes and motivation. I simply don't even feel like a living thing anymore. Feels like a zombie...

Such an idiot I am....hopeless and stupid. Useless and insignificant. 

I'm merely throwing all the words at myself. 

I know at times like this people would be saying 'oh , look at the bright side of life...' Well, I've said that to people that are down.... 

The bright side? I don't even know where it is. When I look around, it's as though it's filled with darkness. 

Having to put on 'the smile' everyday and pretend that everything is okay is really really tiring.

On some days I just want to simply hide away or maybe just be gone. 

Right now...

Haizzzzz. I should really pick myself back up at get over this depression...... 

I thank 'the one' that's been here with me and cheering me up. :) 

Well.... 

I...should....stop feeling this way!

Hahaha. 

I'm just spamming this post with pictures XD 

I swear this is soooo cuteeeeeeee XD ^ 

Anw , good night. LOL 

.....

Haiiiii. It's been so long since I last updated ._. 

I was busy and well...lazy. LOL

The schedule's like really packed and the level of my laziness just keeps getting higher and higher. 

Okay...I'm obsessed with the song 'let her go'. I just like it. Not for any particular reason, I just do XD heheh 

A PICTURE OF BABY BEEL! Yayyyyy!! Haha 

Okay, I'm being really random :/ 

I'm just doing stuff to avoid feeling fucked up. LOL. Life is just so good and so bad both at the same time :/ 

So many stuffs on my mind yet I don't even know how to voice it out... 

The urge to just scream out loud...

The urge to just go someplace far and hide...

The urge to just...end everything :/ 

These damn negative thoughts :/ 

I've told myself millions of times to never be so pessimistic but then I can't stay optimistic for over 24 hours :/ In a day, there'll always be that moment whereby I just feel so fucking down and depressed. 

But you know what, there's also stuffs that's been making me feel good. Well, life's full of good and bad ? 

Oh god , I don't even know if what I'm saying makes any sense at all :/ 

Screw this. 

I'll drown myself in music. 

......