It gets so tiring...

I can't. I just can't.
I know i'm the troublesome child and all that, but living in this house is just slowly killing me one by one. How could i ever be happy? There hasn't been a moment where i feel "oh, staying here is good. staying here is happy" There has never been such a moment! I'm so pissed okay. I really am. Yeah okay, i don't fit in that easily, that's right. It's me. I find it so hard to fit in an environment i'm so unfamiliar with. People have different ways of living. I have mine. It's my life. I can choose and decide however i want to live. No one wants to live a bad life. I know i sometimes makes wrong decisions, but why do you keep on blaming me instead of just telling me that it's wrong? Why is it that whenever i make a mistake, all the damn things that i've done wrong are just added to my current mistake? That's so damn unfair! Why talk about stuffs that aren't even related to my mistakes? WHY WHY WHY?

I've become this person whom just no longer tells anyone how i'm feeling. I'm so used to sealing it away in my heart. When i'm surrounded, i feel alone. Not all the times of course, but yeah, that feeling sucks. Being surrounded yet still feel so fucking alone. Yeah, that sucks okay. I know that there are others out there who feels exactly the same. I can't rant about it anywhere else or to anyone other than here, on my own blog. I am not going to care if you're going to criticise me. I am not! I am just so tired of everything. So tired of life. So tired of all the fucking dramas. So tired of all the damn problems. Why can't life just for once go easy on me? Yeah, i know, life's always full of ups and downs but....I can't take it any longer...I feel so...tired.
No one understands me...no matter how much i tried explaining..so yeah, eventually i stopped. I've started to put barriers around myself, not letting people get to know the real me, not letting people know what i feel, not showing anyone how much i care even though i care so much.

I don't even know what i'm suppose to feel right now. Apologetic? Angry? Sad? I don't even know. It's just so mixed up. I'm just so tired of misunderstandings. People say they know what it's like to be feeling this and that and blah blah blah, but they don't. I know i'm not the only one suffering. I know there are others out there who's suffering so much more than I am, but yea....this is my life and i just feel so tired of living. i really am so tired. just so tired.
I just want to simply shut myself off from the world, go somewhere far that no one i know would ever find me, and just cry, let all my worries out, and then look at the world from a new side.